I haven't really been grocery shopping lately. I managed to stockpile a lot of things over the summer, so we've been using what we have before buying more. I picked up a few things at Harris Teeter and CVS today though, and thought I would share with all of you. :) It wasn't a fantastic week for sales, but I did okay.
Harris Teeter Transaction
--2 packages of Martha White Muffin Mix, on sale BOGOF, had a $0.55/2 coupon which doubled=$0.02 each!!
--2 boxes Pillsbury cake mix, on sale BOGOF=$1.49
--2 packages ground beef=$5.06
-- 1 box Cap'n Crunch cereal, on sale $2, had a $0.50/1 coupon which doubled=$1
--Harris Teeter bread, $1.17
--Farm Rich Mozzarella Sticks, $5.79
--Bestlife Butter Spray, on sale BOGOF, had a $1/1 coupon=$0.17!!
Total Spent (including taxes): $15.07
--3 boxes of Kleenex, on sale $0.99 each, had a $0.50/3 coupon=$0.82 each
--Air Wick Mini Freshmatic Starter Kit, on sale $4.99, had a $2/1 coupon=$2.99
From the beginning, I told Bradley that I wanted names picked out right away. One of the worst things about losing the first baby, the thing that haunted me constantly in the months after the loss, was that she didn't have a name. It didn't feel right to me to name her after she was gone, even though I know that many people choose to do that. I hate that we'll always be forced to refer to her as just "her" or "she". She was so much more to us than that, and she deserved a name. I wasn't about to let that happen this time around, so from the very beginning, Bradley and I talked about names.
It's a big decision, you know. The baby will be known by his/her name for the rest of his/her life. Talk about pressure.
Since I'm a planner by nature, I had a list of baby names compiled. Every couple of months I would either add or remove names....or just look at it and cry, depending on how that month's treatment went. But when you're faced with naming a real baby, not just the baby you're hoping for, it's different. The first couple of baby name discussions were fun. Then they became stressful. As with every other decision I have ever made, I constantly second guess myself. Just the other day, I was looking through an online list of baby names. There are traditional name lists and unique name lists. There are popular name lists. Did you know that there are even "intelligent" name lists? It's unreal how many lists there are. Unreal, and a bit overwhelming. As I was asking Bradley what he thought of certain names, he sighed. He sighs a lot these days; not sure exactly what's up with that. I'm sure it has nothing to do with me. Or the fact that we chose names at the beginning of the pregnancy. ;)
Really, we've already made our decision. Boy or girl, we know what we're naming the baby. It's just so....final, though. I want to make sure it's perfect. I've doodled both names on paper countless times. I've written, "Merry Christmas! Love, Bradley, Adrian and ________" just to make sure it works. I've said the names aloud to imagine what it will sound like on graduation day. I'm fairly certain Bradley thinks I've lost my mind.
As hard as it was to choose first names, middle names were exactly the opposite. We wanted the middle name to be a family name. If it's a boy, his middle name will be Edward because it's been in Bradley's family for generations. If it's a girl, her middle name will be Louise after my grandmother.
I recently realized that I'm secretive about the names we've chosen. A few people know, but usually when someone asks, "Have you thought about names yet?" I give some sort of response that doesn't really answer the question. It's strange, but I'm kind of protective of the names. I don't want anyone to criticize them. At the same time, though, I want to stake my claim on those names. I don't want anyone to use them between now and April because they are my names. Crazy, right? Maybe it's the hormones. (I'm blaming a lot of stuff on hormones right now, by the way.)
Even though we've had a difficult time choosing names, I am still so amazed that we're actually able to make decisions like these. After waiting for so long, we're choosing a name for our baby! We are so very blessed.
On Friday evening, I felt you move for the very first time. I was catching up on shows on the DVR when it happened. It was such an odd feeling! It was fluttery and kind of tickled--like butterfly wings. I immediately hit the mute button as if that would allow me to feel more. I felt so silly when I realized what I had done! I sat very still and concentrated on you. It was a moment that I'll remember for the rest of my life. Your daddy wasn't home, and when I talked to him I explained that either I felt you move or something was very wrong with me! Since then, you've moved several more times and every time you do I'm just amazed. It makes me smile. You're so special and so loved already, little one.
**Written on October 16, 2010**
Dear Little One,
Today I am fourteen weeks and three days pregnant with you. When I think about that, about how far we've already come, I'm amazed. I'm in awe of you, sweet miracle. Your heart is already so strong. Yesterday we were able to hear your heartbeat by doppler rather than the ultrasounds we're accustomed to. Although I was slightly disappointed that we didn't get an ultrasound, I was thrilled that the doctor was able to find your heartbeat right away. What a precious sound! Your heart rate was in the 150s, well within the normal range. I was happy to hear that.
I've spent so much time worrying, little one. I've worried about everything. For the longest time, I was terrified that something would happen to you, just like it did to your sister. I've worried about your chromosomes, your heart, your health. I've worried about diseases and birth defects and so many other things. There are so many things that are out of my control, and that's terribly scary for me. But when I get scared, even when the fear is almost paralyzing, I pray. God has given me so much peace. I can rest knowing that He is in control. He has a plan for us, little one, and it is so much better than any plans of ours will ever be. I know I've said it before, but I want you to always remember that. Even when life is hard and you ask, "Why?" a thousand times, remember that God has a plan for you.
We love you so much, little one.
Dear Little One,
What a miracle you are. For years, we prayed for you. We asked God to bless us with you, and, oh, He has.
On Friday, you gave us a scare. When Dr. H couldn't find your heart beat, I think my own heart stopped too. In that moment, your daddy and I prayed for you, just like we do so many times every day. We prayed that you were alive, that your little heart beat would be found, that you were strong and growing. When we saw you on the ultrasound screen, kicking, squirming, and flailing your arms, we knew our prayers had been answered. Prayer is a powerful thing, Little One, and you have so many people who are praying for you. As you wrapped your arms around your head during the ultrasound, we laughed. Though you are tiny, you have a personality already. God already has a plan for your life--can you believe it? What a beautiful thought! He knows you and loves you even now. You are very, very special, Little One. Never doubt that.
We love you so very much.
I had an appointment with Dr. H on Friday afternoon to check on the baby. Everything looks wonderful so far! This time Dr. H was able to find the heartbeat right away with the doppler--an answer to my prayers! The baby's heart rate is in the 150s. Because the heart rate was normal (anything from the 120s to 160s is considered normal) and was easily detected, we didn't do an ultrasound today. It's so strange to go from being a pregnant infertility patient with ultrasounds every couple of weeks to being a 'normal' OB patient, where a simple check of the heartbeat satisfies the doctor. Of course, we've already had more ultrasounds than most people have during their entire pregnancy, but still. It's odd that we're now grouped with the people who haven't had a bit of trouble at all. Strange and odd, but such a wonderful blessing at the same time!
My next appointment is November 12. At that appointment we'll have the anatomy scan to make sure the baby is measuring like it should and gender determination. I'm so excited! I can't wait to find out if our little miracle is a boy or a girl.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.
Around the time we found out I was pregnant, Bradley's grandmother, Mamaw Frances, learned that she only had a few months of life left. The cancer she had been fighting for nearly a year had spread. Additional treatment was an option, but even then the prognosis was not good.
Mamaw Frances passed away last Saturday. She spent her last months surrounded by family and friends. Bradley and I were able to spend a lot of time with her, and I'm so thankful for that. I'm thankful that we were able to tell her about the baby and share our ultrasound pictures with her. She said all along that it was a girl--I can't wait to find out it she was right. I often prayed that she would live to see her first great-grandchild, but realized a few weeks ago that it just wasn't going to happen. While I am sad for us, I can't help but smile at the thought of her in Heaven. She is no longer suffering. Her death was merely a stepping stone into something much greater than we can ever imagine. Mamaw Frances is with our sweet Peanut now, both of them in the presence of God. What a wonderful thing!
Mamaw Frances was a wonderful Christian lady. Her faith was so strong and solid. Through cancer and all of life's hardships, she never complained or questioned. She was always full of wisdom and encouragement. She made an impact on all those around her. I am thankful for the blessing of knowing her. She was so very special, so loved, and will be greatly missed.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.