Thursday, June 21, 2012

When Ordinary is Extraordinary

Aniston and I had a perfect day today.  Most days with her are that way.  Really, we didn't do anything amazing or out of the ordinary.  We went shopping and then had lunch at Chick-fil-a.  On the way to the mall she babbled constantly as she turned the pages of a book.  She recently learned that I can see her in the mirror, so when I glanced up to check on her, my gaze was met by a pair of bright blue eyes.  A huge grin and a loud giggle followed.  It's moments like that when I wonder if my heart could burst because of joy.  Today was full of those moments.  She was the best shopping buddy ever.  (I mean, to have someone clap and say "yay!" every time you try something on?  It's a dream come true!)  She smiled and waved at everyone around.  She's such a ham.  She loves for people to watch her and interact with her.  You can be certain that if she feels she's not receiving enough attention, she'll find a way to get it.  (Like when she growled at a lady today.  Even on perfect days, motherhood is humbling. :))  We ate beside of the carousel in the food court, and she was in awe of it.  She makes me appreciate simple things again. 

After we got home, she took a nap and I grabbed the opportunity to catch up on some blogs.  I haven't been blogging lately, and I also haven't been reading.  As I scrolled through my feed, I clicked on several of the blogs I follow that are written by people who had similar struggles with infertility.  Those blogs were lifelines for me for years.  To know that I wasn't alone was an invaluable gift, and that network of support was amazing.  Many of the women have gone on to have babies, and some are even beginning fertility treatments again to try for a second.  But there are some who still don't have their miracles, and that makes me so very sad.  There were tears in my eyes as I read their recent posts because I know the feelings they described all too well.  It's a miserable, dark place to be. 

I sat for such a long time reading and thinking about where we've been and where we are now.  Then I crept into Aniston's room and watched her as she napped--sweet little legs tucked under her, bottom in the air, mouth open in a perfect little "o".  I'm thankful for the perfect days, and the not-so-perfect days too.  I'm thankful for all the moments, big and small.  She's a miracle, and I am grateful for the opportunity to be her mommy.

Our little family is oh so blessed.

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