Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?



The first picture was taken last October; the second picture was taken this evening.  I feel like I've changed a lot in the past year.  In the fall I was just beginning to learn how to balance work, home, and a baby.  I doubted myself a lot.  I worried that I wasn't giving Aniston enough of me. I felt torn between work and home.  If I worked late, I felt guilty because I should have gone home to spend time with Aniston.  If I went home at 3:15, I felt guilty because I should have spent more time in my classroom catching up on things.  I never thought stress could have such a physical impact on a person, but it certainly caused some problems for me.  My heart started doing really scary things. After wearing a heart monitor and having a stress test and echocardiogram, the cardiologist diagnosed the problem as premature ventricular contractions.  I've always had PVCs (which had been misdiagnosed years ago as a mitral valve prolapse), but the severity and frequency had increased tremendously.  The cardiologist attributed the change to the amount of stress I was under.  What a wake up call!  I knew then that something had to change.  I started managing my time better.  I asked Bradley for help more often.  When I started feeling guilty, I focused my thinking on everything I had accomplished that day.  I started giving myself time to do things I enjoy, like reading.  I started running and discovered that I actually like it.  It's a little bit of time during the day that is completely mine and, even though it sounds selfish to say aloud, I love that time.  Although I have a prescription to help manage the PVCs, I haven't had to take it in months.  It still happens sometimes, but not nearly as often as before.  The balancing act is always going to be hard, but I think I've found what works for me.  I've also managed to finally lose all the baby weight plus most of the weight I gained during fertility treatments.  I feel better than I've felt in years.  I was happy then, but I'm much happier now. 



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