Thursday, October 15, 2015

Living the Dream

 Life lately is busy and overwhelming at times, but so good.  I can't believe how quickly time is passing (Harper will be one month old on Friday!), and how I can't seem to get anything done other than caring for the girls even though I'm home all day.  I keep reminding myself that that's what I'm here for, and what maternity leave is supposed to be, but I can't help but look around at the end of the day and think, What did I do today?

I'm doing life, I suppose, and last weekend was a perfect example of that.

B went to a men's retreat right after work on Friday.  I knew it was coming up and I was supportive of him going, but that didn't make him leaving any easier.

The evening was crazy and it was after 9 when I realized that even though I fixed dinner for Aniston, I never got around to eating.  I popped a few mini egg rolls in the oven (dinner of champions, I know) and only managed to eat a couple of them before Harper was crying and Aniston was yelling for me from her bedroom.

Being completely on your own with a four year old and a newborn is not for the faint of heart.  I'm not sure how single parents do it, and I don't want to find out.   Ever.

After a rough night with Harper, Aniston was up with the sun as usual.  It was at this point that I realized that, as if I didn't have enough to deal with, Henry the guinea pig--bless his heart--had crossed the rainbow bridge and was already stiff in the bottom of his cage.  I texted B because I didn't know what to do because Aniston hadn't had to deal with death until then.  Of course, he didn't have a signal where he was so I did the next best thing--I called my mom and wheeled Henry's cage onto the back porch where he waited until Mom came to bury him in the rain.  (Have I mentioned how wonderful she is?) 

I explained things as well as I could to Aniston and told her Henry was no longer with us, to which she replied, "Uh, yeah he is.  I see him right there."  She then proceeded to give him a pep talk through the patio door which consisted of phrases like, "Don't give up, Henry!",  "You can do it, Henry!", and--my personal favorite--"Believe in yourself, Henry!"


It was a very heavy conversation for a Saturday morning after a night of little sleep.  If you ask Aniston about Henry now, she'll matter of factly tell you that he went to heaven but left his fur behind.  Bless.

I took care of everyone's needs, kept the peace, tried to hold onto my sanity, and changed clothes three times before noon because of spit up.

As I walked by a mirror, I caught a glimpse of myself and my third shirt choice of the day.  It's a shirt from church.

I would have laughed at the irony of it if I wasn't so close to crying at the time.  

But you know, it's the truth.  I am living the dream.  It's a chaotic, loud, overwhelming, rewarding, wonderful, amazing dream and it's better than I ever imagined.  It's not always easy, and there are tears at times (and sometimes lots of them, depending on the day) but it is so, so worth it.

Even in the craziest moments, I couldn't ask for more.

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